What to buy someone going through something

In 2020 the National Association of Jewellers published a research paper asking more than 2,500 people in the UK why they buy jewellery. Professional Jeweller reported it on 30 July 2020, written by Sam Lewis. The most common reason women gave for buying jewellery was a sale or a good price, at 43%.

That survey was about buying for yourself, and about celebration. It never asked what to buy for somebody having a terrible year. An illness. A bereavement. A marriage ending. There is no outfit to complete and nothing to celebrate, and almost none of the usual advice applies.

I have made jewellery by hand in London for 22 years, from a stall on Portobello Road to Liberty, Selfridges, Harvey Nichols and Harrods. This is what I have learned about that present from behind the bench.

Buy the piece she does not have to decide to put on

Somebody in the middle of something hard is not choosing jewellery in the morning. A statement piece needs an occasion, and an occasion is exactly what she has not got, so it goes back in the box and stays there.

What gets worn is small, plain and already on: earrings she can keep in, or a pendant on a fine chain that sits under a jumper. A piece that needs no decision is the only kind that survives a bad few months.

Do not put the event on it

This is the mistake I see most. A piece engraved with the date of a diagnosis, or the day somebody died, or a line about being strong. It is meant kindly, and it turns the worst week of her life into something she has to read every time she fastens it.

An initial does not date. It is hers, or it belongs to whoever she is thinking about. The Personalised Initial Charm Necklace is £60 in sterling silver, £75 in gold vermeil or rose gold vermeil, and £360 in 14kt solid yellow or white gold. The pendant is 2cm, it takes up to 3 initials and it is made to order in the London workshop. Nothing on it says when it was given.

If you would rather have nothing written on it, the Blue Puffed Heart is £60, a handcrafted sterling silver heart 2cm across filled with blue enamel. It is a heart and it is quiet, which is a hard combination to find. The other colours are in Enamel Jewellery.

Nothing with a size to get wrong

A ring means asking, and asking spoils it. Earrings and necklaces have no size, and a bracelet has 3 lengths rather than 20. If it must be a ring, the ring size guide shows how to measure a finger at home, and it makes a point worth knowing: fingers change size in response to body chemistry and temperature, sometimes by several sizes. Somebody who is unwell, or not sleeping, may not be the size she was in June.

It is not coming off, so the metal matters

The point of this present is that it stays on, so it gets showered in, slept in and washed up in. Sterling silver and solid gold take that and can be reworked for years. Gold vermeil is a plated finish and wears through where it rubs, so on a piece that never comes off it will want redoing.

Sleepers are £20, sterling silver, 25mm, and they are called sleepers because you leave them in. They are hypoallergenic, with no nickel, lead or cadmium. At the other end the Heart Monogram Necklace is £75 in sterling silver, £90 in gold vermeil or rose gold vermeil, and £420 in 9kt solid yellow or white gold.

The best version of this present is something she already owns

Often the right piece is already in the house. Her mother's ring that does not fit. A chain that broke 2 years ago. An earring on its own. Several small things not worn since they were inherited.

Second Life is the remodelling service. I lift the stones and the gold out of pieces that are not worn and remake them by hand in London into something she will put on. The stones stay, the gold stays, the story stays. Send me a photograph and I will tell you what it could become and what it would cost. The estimate is free, there is no obligation, and nothing is taken apart at that stage.

For a remade piece to be ready for Christmas, I need your photographs by Sunday 1 November. Remodelling has the earliest cut off of anything I make, because the design is worked out with you before work starts.

Sometimes the change is smaller. A resize, a new clasp, a different chain length, a clean and a polish. A pendant out of a drawer, cleaned and back on a chain that fits her, is a better present than anything I could sell you. Where a piece will never be worn again, recycling your old jewellery sends the silver and gold back into the workshop and gives you a £20 voucher.

Give it without a speech. If you have got it right she will wear it for 20 years and neither of you will mention it again.

The second life is the real one. Anna Lou x.

Everything gathered for presents this winter is in the Christmas Gift Guide.

Questions I am asked about this

What do you give somebody who has just been bereaved?

Something plain she can wear every day, with nothing written on it about the death. If there is jewellery that belonged to the person who died, the strongest present is usually to make it wearable: a remade piece from her own stones, or simply a broken chain mended and cleaned. Ask her first. Not everybody is ready to have a piece altered, and none of it has to be decided quickly.

Is engraving a bad idea?

No, but engrave an initial rather than an event. Initials, a name and a word all stay wearable for 30 years, while a date tied to something painful usually does not. If you are unsure, buy it plain, because engraving can be added to a piece afterwards.

How long does it take, and what are the Christmas dates?

Engraved and personalised pieces are made to order and take up to 10 working days, with a 5 working day express option at checkout. The dates this year are 1 November for remodelling, 15 November for bespoke commissions and 5 December for personalised and engraved pieces.